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Thursday, July 17, 2008

Karma On Its Head

Ever since my son Steve died I have, of course, thought about him a lot, and at times I feel he speaks to me. Whether this is his voice or my own thoughts I do not know or care. At first a lot of the conversations were about his year and a half of suffering, and I was terribly sad.
I also regretted the fact that I was unable to be a the kind of parent I wanted to be. Just recently, I found myself talking to him about exactly that, and I heard him say, "Don't worry, we will be together again and we will have a different sort of relationship." Now, this agrees with my belief system, but I had never thought about it in quite that way.
Usually when we speak of karma it is about retribution. In a sense, that is what I thought would be; I would somehow make up to him for my lacks as a parent. But truly this was a different slant on things.
I realized that there is all the time in the world to be with the ones we love. We will meet again and again, and when we make mistakes, it is never too late to talk things over, to understand, to reach out again to one another. Death only appears to end a relationship. On the very deepest level, we have one another forever.

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